When Cultural Differences Spark Conflict
Often at odds over their differing cultural and parenting styles, Charlie* and his wife learned to bridge their gaps and reconnect through a marriage enrichment programme.
Charlie* recalls one particularly tense conflict with his wife of 18 years. “I once gave my daughter a mobile phone when she was 12. My wife found out and got angry – she smashed it on the floor, destroying it,” he recounted.
Now in their 50s and raising three school-going children, the couple often found themselves clashing over values and approaches to parenting.
Charlie, who is from the Netherlands, describes himself as “laid-back” and admits he doesn’t “really care much about the children’s education”. His Singaporean wife, on the other hand, tends to be “authoritarian” and believes strongly in academic excellence, often enrolling their children in multiple enrichment classes. His easy-going attitude and tendency to give in to the children’s requests – such as watching TV or playing on their phones – often conflicted with his wife’s stricter, achievement-driven approach.
Over time, these differences created tension and emotional distance. Whenever they quarrelled, Charlie would withdraw, giving his wife the silent treatment for up to two weeks.
Rebuilding connection in marriage
Charlie’s turning point came when he came across the Prepare/Enrich Marriage Enrichment Programme on the Parents Gateway portal through his son’s school. “I thought it would be a good place to start to strengthen our marriage,” he said.
Through the programme, Charlie recognised that his habit of withdrawing during conflicts had left his wife feeling unheard and dismissed. He learned to call a “time-out” instead – to step away, calm down, and return to the conversation when both were ready to talk things through constructively.
The couple also learned practical communication tools, such as expressing their feelings and needs using “I-statements” rather than “you” statements – a skill that reduces blame and encourages empathy.
As part of the sessions, couples participated in a microphone-style exercise where partners took turns speaking without interruption – an activity designed to build active listening, mutual respect, and emotional understanding. “In the past, when we disagreed, I’d retaliate,” Charlie shared. “But now, I try to hear her out or take a step back. Everyone has their trigger points, and it’s good to have the tools to manage conflicts. These days, there are fewer quarrels between us.”
Stronger couple, stronger family
Charlie shared that he now applies the same conflict resolution skills when communicating with his children. “I hope to model healthy communication for them, because how I speak to my wife affects how they see relationships too,” he said.
The couple has also started weekly “date nights” to reconnect and spend quality time together. They learned that daily routines and shared rituals help strengthen relationships, so they now make an effort to have regular family dinners and bonding activities. These small but consistent habits have deepened their connection and the harmony at home.
Looking ahead, Charlie feels more confident and equipped to face challenges together as a family. “I’m more positive and encouraged about family life now, with the tools I’ve learned from this programme,” he said. “It’s really helped us uncover growth areas in our marriage, understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and improve our overall well-being.”
* Not his real name
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