Healing after Infidelity
Torn by guilt and years of inner turmoil, Hui Min* finally faced the deeper wounds behind her infidelity — and began a journey of healing through counselling.
When Hui Min* told her husband in early 2024 that she wanted a divorce, he had an emotional outburst. Married for about a decade, the mother-of-two had been grappling with deepening emotional turmoil following her involvement in two extra-marital affairs.
“I’ve made many wrong and rash decisions in my relationships that hurt others and neglected the emotional well-being of both myself and my family,” she said. “My husband was already deeply hurt by the first affair. When he found out about the second, he was consumed by anger and utterly devastated.”
Overwhelmed by guilt and despair, she sought support from the Strengthening Families Programme (Methodist Welfare Services) (FAM (MWS))* in October 2024.
Uncovering the unseen struggles
Through counselling, Hui Min uncovered deep-rooted themes of abandonment and emotional disconnection from her childhood, which had fuelled a persistent emptiness and a lifelong pattern of seeking validation through relationships.
“Since 15, I’ve jumped from one relationship to another – sometimes overlapping – even with guys I didn’t feel for,” she shared. “I always felt empty and lonely, even after starting a family.” She traced this back to being raised by a guardian until age 13, then returning to busy, emotionally unavailable parents.
These early experiences of emotional neglect left a void that persisted into adulthood. “I even entered a marriage I wasn’t fully committed to,” she admitted. Unable to make sense of her inner pain, she turned to emotional and physical connections outside the marriage to cope.
A journey towards wholeness
Using the empty chair technique – where a person speaks to an empty chair as if an important figure were sitting in it – she revisited those unmet emotional needs from childhood and reframed them through guided interventions. Through this exercise, she was able to express unspoken feelings, work through old hurts, and find emotional relief.
She visualised her guardian in the room – offering reassurance, asking her to let go of her pain, and encouraging her to live happily. This helped shift her from a state of helplessness to resilience, reminding her that she had inner strength to draw from. She learned healthier ways of coping with loneliness and began building emotional stability from within.
With growing self-awareness, Hui Min came to understand the emotional wounds behind her infidelity. Instead of projecting her hurt onto her husband and blaming him for unmet emotional needs, she learned to take ownership of her actions.
Her social worker, Kartik Anand, also guided her to visualise a safe space – for her, it was her childhood home with her guardian – and created an AI-generated image she could use to ground herself whenever she feels overwhelmed.
“Therapy helped me to understand why I felt emptiness and to manage emotions like anxiety,” she said. “Over time, I found healing, and no longer cry myself to sleep. I’ve resolved never to repeat that maladaptive relationship pattern, no matter how lonely I feel. I’ll seek more meaningful pursuits instead of jumping into another relationship to escape my problems or fill the void.”
As she continues to heal, Hui Min described feeling more grounded and even-tempered. “I can connect better with others now due to a more positive outlook, and be more present with my children, instead of being physically there but emotionally distant,” she shared.
From silence and avoidance to honest dialogue
As Hui Min worked on her inner healing, her progress encouraged her initially resistant husband to join counselling. Their marriage had reached a point where he avoided difficult conversations while she held back her feelings, resulting in misunderstandings and emotional strain.
In their first couple session, they finally had space to express their needs and hopes for the relationship. Counselling equipped them with skills to listen with empathy and communicate honestly. Hui Min shared the shame and guilt she carried from her past infidelity, while her husband voiced the shock and anger he had suppressed. This helped them find closure and reduce resentment.
Even though they eventually plan to separate, practising open communication has helped them understand each other’s needs, eased tension at home, and created a more emotionally safe environment for their children. It has also prevented further deterioration of the relationship, allowing them to clarify expectations and maintain cordial, respectful interactions.
* Not her real name
* Formerly known as Strengthening Families Programme@Family Service Centre (MWS FAM@FSC)
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